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Rollercoaster: The Musical!/Transcript
(The scene opens in the backyard. Phineas is lying under the tree and Ferb is beside him, reading.) Phineas: You know, Ferb. One of the best times we ever had was when we built that rollercoaster. We should do it again, but this time as a musical! What d'ya say? We'll do all the same things except we'll break into spontaneous singing and choreography with no discernible music source! Ferb: Hmm, what assurance would we have that everyone else will also break into song and do the same thing? Phineas: I don’t know. I think they probably will. Ferb: Fair enough. I'm in. (Song: Hey Ferb) Phineas: I know what we're gonna do today, Though it might sound just a bit cliché. We can build a roller coaster, but this time with songs and dancing! 'Cause when we're back in school come next September, And they ask us we can both remember Every cool and clever thing we did all summer long, and glancing Back we're gonna be so glad that we Didn't sit all day and watch TV, I don't think anyone can disagree the world is possibilities And that's what makes me say: Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb! Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!... Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb, Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!... Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb, Background Singers: Boredom is something up with which I will not put! Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!... Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb, Background Singers: Boredom is something up with which I will not put! Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Hey, Ferb! Linda: Phineas, Ferb! I'm gonna go pick up a few things. You boys stay out of trouble, okay? Phineas: Okay, Mom. (In the driveway, Linda is getting in the car. Candace looks through the window and rushes outside.) '' 'Candace:' I'm in charge, right? You did tell them I'm in charge? '''Linda:' Relax, Candace. Nobody has to be in charge. Candace: But what if there's an emergency? Linda: ...Like what? Candace: What if, uh...what if a wild moose—a whole herd of them—burst into the house and attack everyone? Linda: If that happens, you're in charge. Candace: Yes! (Candace opens the gate to the backyard.) Candace: Mom says I'm in charge...conditionally! Phineas: The condition didn't have anything to do with a moose, did it? Candace: You know it's funny you should mention that—oh! (Realizing she is getting distracted) I'm watching you! (She goes into the house, watching them when the phone rings. She picks it up) Hello? Oh, hi, Stacy!, Mom just went to the store, she left me charge...well, you know, conditionally. (Switches to Stacy, where she and Jenny are in matching outfits.) Stacy: Well, that's better than not in charge at all, I guess. Candace: It's all about the varying degrees of authority. First, you've got conditionally in charge; then you've got you're basically in charge; you're mostly in charge; and there's just in charge, completely devoid of modifiers. That's what I'm shooting for. Huh? Wait, what are my brothers doing right now? What do you mean you can see it from where you are? See what?! (Outside, Phineas and Ferb are building the roller coaster) Phineas: Check it out, Ferb. We can see Stacy's house from here! Candace: Phineas! What is this?! Phineas: Do you like it? Candace: Ooh, I'm gonna tell Mom, and when she sees what you're doing, you are goin' down! (Song: You're Going Down) (Jenny and Stacy shows up as doo-wop music begins to play) Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: You're goin' down when I get Mom to see! Jenny/Stacy: (Down to the ground) Candace: This ridiculous monstrosity Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: You'll never get away with this again. Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: You're G-O-I-N-G-D-O-W-N! Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: Spread the news from coast to coast Jenny/Stacy: (Down to the ground) Candace: You're goin' down, your operation exposed Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: I could say more but I don't wanna boast Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: Get used to butter 'cause you both are toast! Candace: If a certain condition arises, I'm the one to avert the crisis! You think you're livin' large But you forgot that I'm the one in charge... Conditionally! Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin') Candace: Down, down, down, down, down... You're goin' down! Phineas: (To Ferb) See? No discernible music source! (In the driveway, Isabella is walking up as Candace, Stacy and Jenny are leaving) Isabella: Hey, Candace. Hey, Stacy. Hey Jenny. How'd the number go? Candace: Pretty good, but I'm still angry. Isabella: Well, I guess I'm up. (Song: Whatcha Doin'?) Isabella: I'm just the curious girl 'cross the way Every day I come over, and here's what I say... Whatcha doin', whatcha doin'? What's the day's activity? Whatcha doin', whatcha doin'? By any chance could it include me? Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? I don't mean to disturb. Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? Isabella and the Fireside Girls: You know it's not really directed at Ferb, When I say-ay-ay-ay-ay... Whatcha doin'? Isabella: Don't ya know, Phineas? You have no idea That every day I'm just dyin' to see ya... And say... Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? I really wanna know Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? Can I be part of the show? Isabella and the Fireside Girls: When I say-ay-ay-ay-ay... Whatcha doin'? Phineas: Hey, Isabella. Isabella: Whatcha doin'? Phineas: Building a roller coaster. Isabella: Again? Cool! (At Ferb) Hey, Ferb! (Ferb waves) Isabella: Still a man of few words, I see. Phineas: Nah, you missed it. Earlier he had two lines. Isabella: Wow, chatty. Phineas: Hey, where's Perry? (Perry walks around the corner of the house. He jumps up, puts on a fedora and walks into a hole in the wall. He goes down a lift, into a lair, where he gets an "Incoming Message") Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P. The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. For reasons unknown to us, he bought up 80% of the country's tin foil. (He stops, looking a bit surprised) Carl, didn't-didn't he already do that? Carl: Yes, sir. At the beginning of summer. Monogram: Well, all right then. Well, Agent P, go out there and do the same thing you did last time. (Agent P salutes and runs off) Monogram: Good luck, Agent P. Ah, the world of a field agent, out in the thick of things. Not like me... (Song: My Whole World Is This Screen) My whole world is this screen Just four walls of a rectangle But I can dare to dream-- (The lights suddenly turn off) Monogram: Carl! Carl: Oh, sorry, Sir. I thought you were done. You want me to turn 'em back on? Monogram: Nah, forget it, the moment's gone... (Agent P is flying in his platypus-themed hovercraft. He notices Phineas and Ferb and pulls his fedora down to hide from them as he flies past) Phineas: So the way I see it, the solid fuel rockets kick in at the mall parking lot. Then we release the snakes during our corkscrew around the interstate. I'm gonna go get some snakes. (He leaves and Ferb puts on his mask and uses the blowtorch.) (Candace runs into the store) Candace: Mom, you've gotta come home right now. Linda: Let me guess, a herd of wild moose are in our living room. Candace: No. Besides, it's mooses. Linda: No, I think the word "moose" is already plural. Candace: Mom, trust me, it's mooses...or meese. Do you want me to get a dictionary? Linda: Is this what you came here for? Candace: No, Mom! You've gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing! They're a building a roller coaster! Linda: Candace, you've already used that one. (Song: Mom Look) Candace: Mom, look, don't roll your eyes at me! Mom, look, just come over and see. Mom, look, it shouldn't be so hard! Mom, look, they built it in the backyard. Once they made it winter in June, Linda: I didn't see it. Candace: Built a rocket to the moon. Linda: I didn't see it. Candace: Mom, they cause me so much pain! Linda: Now, Candace... Candace: Once they even gave me Perry's brain! Linda: Oh, for crying out loud. Candace: They built a submarine, a time machine, A haunted house that made me scream, Drove cattle through the mall, Built a giant bowling ball, Blew me up to fifty feet, A chariot dragged me down the street, (Candace stops to catch her breath) Background Singers: La la la la la la la la Candace: Made their stupid clothes a fashion craze, Shoelace tips a household phrase, Shot me through a circus tent, Always asked where Perry went, A lava flow destroyed my face, A giant roller derby race, Thawed a caveman out of ice, Built a roller coaster twice! Linda: Candace, seriously, isn't Phineas a little young to be a roller coaster engineer? Candace: Well, yes. Yes, he is. (Switches to Phineas in a car factory with the manager) (Song: Aren't You a Little Young?) Building Engineer: Aren't you a little young to build a roller coaster? Phineas: Yes. Yes, I am. Building Engineer: Well, I must say that I'm really quite impressed, But all your permits are in order. Don't forget the bricks and mortar And if you need a power loader, be my guest! Though if I'm pressed, I'd say you look a little young to drive a forklift. Phineas: Yes. Yes, I am. Building Engineer: It's good to see a younger guy like you, Who's creative and ambitious, A little bigger than his britches, And who's got a fresh, exciting point of view Yes, it's true. That you seem a little young to do the things that you do, Even with all the moxie you've got. Yes, you seem a little green to be controlling this machinery. Phineas: Yeah, I get that a lot. (The scene changes to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Doofenshmirtz: Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated Where being evil not debat- You know, I should really write the rest of that someday... (Perry jumps in from the window) Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what a surprise. And by surprise, I mean not a surprise at all. Let me show you what I've been working on. (Doofenshmirtz presses a button which activate arms that grabs Agent P) Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha ha! I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, have covered the entire eastern seaboard in tin foil... again. But this time when I put my giant magnet next to my ingenious Magnetism Magnifinator, I will pull the East in a westerly direction, thereby reversing the rotation of the Earth. I know I tried this before but that was with a Magnifier this is a Magnifi''nator''. See, I added the suffix –inator. It's a completely different ball game. I know you're probably expecting some tragic back story, explaining why I want to reverse the rotation of the Earth. But I'm not gonna go there. You know why? Well, I'll tell ya! (Song: Back in Gimmelshtump) Doofenshmirtz: Back in Gimmelshtump I always had to keep it real 'Cause when you grow up in Gimmelshtump Young Heinz: (as a lawn gnome) Your childhood is less than ideal! Doofenshmirtz: So I don't dwell on how I'll crawled my way out of the gutter No, I don't! When people ask me what I mean, I say D-D-D-Do I stutter! (Suddenly changes to a show tune) Doofenshmirtz: But I'm no longer a hater 'Cause I got an Inator And a over-complicated scheme I get a couple of checks Every month from my Ex So I can finance my coming regime! And though my past was a wreck I won't let it affect My aspirations to cause mass hysteria 'Cause I'm as sure as can be That it's my destiny To be the ruler of the Tri-State Area! Yeah! Background Dancer: So, uh, are we done? 'Cause I gotta pick up my kid from school... Doofenshmirtz: One second, just wait 'til it goes to black. (The screen did as it was told and goes black) Doofenshmirtz: All right, now you can go. (Back in the store) Candace: But, Mom, I'm telling you, they're building it, and it's huge! Linda: And I’m telling you, you've used this story before. Candace: Yeah, but this time it's a musical! (Ferb puts up a poster. Candace goes over to it.) Candace: "Phineas and Ferb present the Coolest Coaster Ever, now open"? Mom! (She runs off just as three kids come over to it) Pedro: Hey, the Coolest Coaster Ever! You think we'll get in free with this flyer? Another Kid: We didn't last time. Maybe we should take it just in case. (They tear it down and go to leave when Buford steps in their way) Buford: Hey, if anyone's gonna ride this thing, it's gonna be me. Not one of you lousy extras. (Candace pulls Linda to where the poster had been hanging) Candace: Here, look, look, look, see? I told you I'm not crazy! I told you! Linda: And you're not crazy because? (Candace looks to see the poster's gone, she screams) Linda: I see your point, Candace. No crazy person would scream at a post like that. I'll be in the dairy section if you want to come yell at some cheese. Would you like that, honey? Would you like to yell at some cheese? Candace: A little. Linda: Well, c'mon, then. (In Agent P's lair) Monogram: I hope Agent P is having good luck like I told him to. (Song: My Whole World Is This Screen) My whole world is this screen Just four walls-- (He is cut off when the scene suddenly changes to the backyard where kids are gathered in front of a stage. Ferb walks onstage and taps the microphone. He stands there for a second before he suddenly dances but quickly stopping and stepping aside as Phineas come up from a trapdoor.) Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making! Mark your calendars because you will want to tell your grandchildren about the day you rode the Coolest... Coaster... EVER! (Ferb reveals the roller coaster. After the camera finishes panning up, a bird crashes into the top, falling down.) Phineas: And this time it's a musical. (On the roller coaster) Phineas: To fasten, insert the tab into the metal buckle. To release, just pull back on the- (He drops the seat belt) Oops. (Song: Rollercoaster) Background Singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) Isabella: Phineas, are you sure this is safe? Phineas: Of course! Background singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) Phineas: It's like a leisurely drive around downtown, But it starts with a 3 mile drop straight down! And now keep your head and hands and feet inside the ride, Not a written rule but it's strongly implied. Permanecer sentados, por favor! Scream if you want more! That's right! Cork screwin' 'round the interstate, With peanut butter and rubber snakes! Clear the way, move over, Look out, Bud. Here comes the mud! Background Singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) Phineas: Look out! Right side up and upside down Don't ask me to talk Can't tell a verb from a noun And I'm screaming like a baby Who's afraid of a clown Buford: I'm glad I'm wearing trousers That are already brown! Phineas: It'll twist your belly It'll turn your gut Man, is this ride sweet or what? We go: Phineas and passengers: Ah ah ah! Ferb: We go: Phineas and passengers: Ah ah ah! Ferb: We go: Phineas and passengers: Ah ah ah! Yeah rollercoaster Buford: I got the poster! Background Singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Back with Doofenshmirtz and Perry) Doofenshmirtz: So now, I'm left holding a ten gate house in a twelve gate neighborhood. My accountant wants me to walk away from the whole thing. But, like, I can't do that. Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I don't care about my credit rate. (Agent P hits a screw toward Doofenshmirtz with his tail, but he ducks) Doofenshmirtz: Ha! You missed! (The screw bounces off the wall, flying up to the ceiling. It hits a line and bounces back, going into Doofenshmirtz's foot) Doofenshmirtz: Aaahh!! Ow, Ow, Ow, Aaaooowww! (Doofenshmirtz, as he's jumping around holding his foot, accidently bumps into the button that controls the arm restraints, releasing Perry the Platypus. Agent P quickly attacks him. While they're fighting, Dooofenshmirtz rolls a battery cart toward him. Perry jumps over it easily, and it falls outside through a window.) (Outside the building) Farmer's Wife: I can't believe you walked all the way to the service station to get the jumper cables, but you didn’t bring the battery cart! I mean, what did you think a battery cart was just going to fall out of the sky? (The battery cart lands next to the farmer) Farmer's Wife: Okay... (smiles hopefully) What did you think a million dollars was just going to fall out of the sky? Farmer: It doesn't work that way. Farmer's Wife: Well, how does it work then?! (Back with Perry and Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: Now you are too late! (He pulls a lever, activating the Magnitism Magnifinator) Quake in your boots and watch helplessly as the unimaginable electromagnetic forces, pull the eastern seaboard, thereby reversing the rotation of the-- (The tinfoil comes off of the buildings) Doofenshmirtz: Well, that didn't work. (The tin foil forms into a giant ball, flying through the air) Doofenshmirtz: And now we have a two ton ball of tin foil traveling two hundred miles an hour, directly at us! Quickly, we must separate the magnet from the Magnifinator before it is too late! (He and Perry try to move the magnet and the Magnifinator before Doofenshmirtz stops) Doofenshmirtz: Is it just me or is this a serious déjà vu moment? I feel like I've totally been here before--you were there, the tin foil was coming, and I said "Quickly, we must separate the magnet". Huh. Oh, well, weird. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Aaaahhh! (Resumes trying to move the Magnifinator) (In the store, Candace is seen yelling at some cheese) Woman: Man, is she mad at that cheese! (Children screaming can be heard in the distance) Candace: Wait a minute, what's going on out there? (She goes outside and sees that the roller coaster goes right through the parking lot) Candace: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Mom! Mom! (She runs back inside) (At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Doofenshmirtz: It's no use! It's no use, we are doomed! (Agent P sees a helicopter. He jumps onto the magnet and fires a grappling hook at it. He quickly wraps some of the rope around the magnet. The helicopter flies off, taking the magnet with it.) Doofenshmirtz: You did it! You saved us Perry the Platypus! You saved us-again, again with the déjà vu. You were up there, I was saying, "You saved us." And then, hm, and then somethng came from that direc- (The tin foil ball crashes into the building) Curse you, déjà vu! (The magnet pulls a piece of the Magnetism Magnifinator onto it, and gets stuck on the coaster, which then follows the helicopter into the sky) (Candace pulls her mother into the parking lot) Candace: Look, look, look! See? (Linda looks to see the parking lot just like normal) Linda: ...Okay, I give up. What am I supposed to be looking at? (Candace looks to see it's disappeared) Candace: No! It's not possible! Linda: I'm gonna go get the cart. Candace: But it was right here and it was huge! (She sees the roller coaster being carried away by the helicopter) Mom! Linda: Time to go, I've got frozens! Candace: Okay, so you think that Phineas and Ferb are still under that stupid tree in the backyard, right? Linda: Well, yes, that would be my guess. (Candace grabs the cart, running to the car) (Candace: Fine then. Let's go home! Now! (Agent P sees that the helicopter is smoking and cuts the rope. He drops down onto the coaster and in the cart, right behind Phineas and Ferb) Phineas: Oh, there you are Perry. (Perry chatters) Phineas: Nice hat Isabella. (Isabella takes off Agent P's fedora and looks at it, a bit confused.) (The car goes to the end of the track and goes into a construction area, it eventually end up getting flung into the air) Phineas: Funny, I don't remember this in the blueprint. (An airplane picks up the roller coaster by the plane's tail) Phineas: And I'm sure this is new. (Candace sees the airplane from Linda's car and laughs somewhat psychotically, and blinks with one eye at a time) Linda: I worry about you sometimes, Candace. (The coaster car drops down and onto the Statue of Liberty, bending it and throwing the car toward Mount Rushmore. The roller coaster circles in Theodore Roosevelt's glasses before flying out and past a herd of moose) Phineas: You know, if they break into our house, Candace is in charge. (The car lands on a pine tree which bends lowering them down toward a Mr. Slushy Burger stand) Phineas: Oh, hey, Jeremy. Jeremy: '''Hey, Phineas. Anybody want fries? '''Phineas: Nah, we're good. Jeremy: Oh, and say Hi to your sister for me! (The tree straights out again and throws them to Paris, France. The get stuck on the Eiffel Tower just like they had with the tree.) French Man: Crêpe, Suzette? Phineas: What do you say, Suzette? You want a crêpe? Suzette: No, thank you. (The Eiffel Tower straightens out and the roller coaster is flung into orbit. Meap flies past and stops to wave to Phineas and Ferb, who wave back. The coaster suddenly falls back down toward the Tri-State Area. All the other kids scream while Phineas and Ferb merely look down before Phineas turns to Ferb.) '' Meap:' Meap! '''Phineas:' It was good to see Meap. (Linda pulls into the driveway and Candace jumps out of the car, laughing psychotically again.) Linda: Okay, we're here now. Are you happy, Candace? (Horror sting, Candace opens the gate to see Phineas and Ferb are not there) Candace: Yes! (To Linda) See, Mom? I told you they weren't there! (''(Candace opens the gate and gestures toward the tree with her eyes closed. Linda pokes her head through the gate as well. She smiles after seeing the boys.) '' Linda: Hi, boys. (At this point, Candace opens her eyes and her mood changes to shock) Phineas: Hi, Mom. Linda: Come on, Candace, help me with the groceries. Candace: But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but... (continues under) Linda: Let's go. (She pulls her away) (In the backyard, kids suddenly start coming out of the tree) Kid: Hey, Phineas, that was great. Pedro: Way too cool! Third Kid: That was awesome! Can we do it again? Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer. Isabella: That was great, Phineas! So, what're you gonna do tomorrow? Phineas: Well, you know what they say: carpe diem. Isabella: Excuse me? Phineas: Carpe diem. It's Latin for "seize the day". Ferb: Or you could say "seize the day" was English for "carpe diem". Phineas: Yes. Yes, you could. '(Song: Carpe Diem) Phineas: Well, we hope you all enjoyed the show Hope it was not anti-climatic Now there's something we want you to know And we don't want to sound didactic Phineas and entire cast: But if there's one thing we can say I know it sounds a bit cliché There's no such thing As just an ordinary day And you don't have to build a roller coaster To find your own way to make the most of These days of summer And dance to the beat of a different drummer Just grab those opportunities when you see 'em 'Cause every day's a brand new day, you gotta carpe diem Fireside Girls: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... (The music stops) Kenny Ortega: Alright, people, that was fabulous. But I want to work on one thing. Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, world renowned choreographer, Kenny Ortega! Kenny Ortega: Thanks, Phineas. All right now let's make sure that when we sing the chorus we hit that straight arm. All right? Straight arm on both sides. Now. One more time, performance level. Five, six, seven, eight. '' '''Entire cast:' And you don't have to build a roller coaster To find your own way to make the most of Every minute No more waiting for the right time, you're in it Just grab those opportunities when you see 'em 'Cause every day's a brand new day, baby, carpe diem Martians: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.... Santa, Blay'n, Clewn't, and Agents: Ooh Love Händel: Every day's a brand new day, baby, carpe diem Ba-dink-a-dinks: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.... Professor Destructicon, The Regurgitator and entire cast: Every day's a brand new day Haney and entire cast: Baby, carpe diem Agents: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.... All: Every day's a brand new day Carpe diem (Perry chatters) Ending Credits (In Agent P's lair) Carl: Oh, c'mon, Sir. Monogram: No, Carl, the moment is gone. Carl: Sir... Monogram: I got cut off twice already! Carl: But, Sir, you're very good. Monogram: I am? Carl: Yes, Sir. I've heard you practice. Monogram: Well, I have been practicing. Carl: Yes, Sir. And, like the song says, carpe diem! Monogram: Well, you can't argue with Latin, can you? Carl: No, you can't, Sir. Monogram: Well, alrighty then. (He clears his throat) My whole world is this screen- (The credits end, cutting him off.) Monogram: Oh, come on! Category:Transcripts